


I'll Never Be Lonely Again

by TheViolentFemme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doctor/Patient, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Patient!Dean, Therapist!Cas, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-26 09:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1682561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheViolentFemme/pseuds/TheViolentFemme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Therapy. Fucking therapy. How the hell did Dean let himself get talked into this one? He couldn't even remember, the whole conversation was just a blur of Sam’s girly hair and his damn puppy dog eyes and suddenly Dean was sitting in an overly beige room with some guy whose eyes could not be real."</p><p>~OR~</p><p>The one where Dean falls in love with his therapist, and his therapist falls in love back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I am absolutely in love with therapy AUs (what can I say, it's the psych major in me) and there is a sad lack of it on the internet. Hopefully this is a good contribution, let me know what you think :)

Therapy. Fucking _therapy_. How the hell did Dean let himself get talked into this one? He couldn’t even remember, the whole conversation was just a blur of Sam’s girly hair and his damn puppy dog eyes and suddenly Dean was sitting in an overly beige room with some guy whose eyes could not be real and whose name was a freakin’ tongue twister in itself.

“Just try it, Dean. What could it hurt?” Sam had said.

“But therapy?” He had fought. “Seriously?”

But Sam was adamant. Apparently Jess’ sister went to this guy and his magic mind mojo had changed her freakin’ life or something, Dean didn’t know or care. He wasn’t broken. Even if some crap had happened, Winchesters just don’t go crying to shrinks when their feelings get hurt.

But this was one of those times Dean found it impossible to say no to Sammy. So here he was, getting ready to spill his problems to some blue-eyed quack (granted, a hot one) who probably didn’t give a rat’s ass about his miserable little life beyond how he was paying his bill.

“So, Dean, what brings you here today?” The doctor never took his eyes off Dean, he just sort of stared intensely and it was just a tad unnerving. For a shrink he should really have better knowledge of social conventions, Dean thought.

“Look, doc-“

“Call me Castiel.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Damn that’s a mouthful. Mind if I call you Cas?”

His mouth broke into a tiny smile. God it was like his entire face changed, even with the smallest expression. He looked so much more relaxed without the severe line of his lips. “That will be fine, Dean.”

“Look, I’m gonna be straight with you. I’m only here because my baby brother, Sam, asked me to do this. I’m not broken, I don’t need to come and spin some woe is me tale for some guy I pay to sit across from me and listen to my bullshit every week. No offense but all this – stuff, this head-shrinky feelings crap, it isn’t me. Yeah, some shit happened but I’m dealing with it. I can handle it.”

Cas did this head tilt thing that totally wasn’t adorable, nope, no way. “May I just ask you, why are you telling me all this?”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean why am I telling you this, you’re a freakin shrink. Isn’t this what you do, you listen to people or whatever?”

“You misunderstand me,” Cas let out a small laugh. “I mean, why didn’t you just tell, Sam, was it? Why not explain to him what you just did to me and not even bother with pretending you want something you obviously don’t?”

It was suddenly very hard for Dean to look Cas in the eyes. “I don’t know he – he was just trying to help. I mean, I get it. I guess I just didn’t want to turn it into a fight. It’s not important enough to fight about.”

“Obviously it’s important enough to him if he went to the trouble to approach you about it.”

“I guess. Maybe that’s why I’m here. But either way it’s a one-off. Like I said, I get by just fine on my own.

Cas just nodded to himself for a moment. He had been taking some notes on a clipboard the whole time but now he set it on the table next to him and leaned forward so his elbows were resting on his knees. He worked his jaw, formulating his response. “It is my opinion that you do need some help, Dean. Granted, I’ve only just met you. But it is obvious that you do not want to burden your brother, and it is not much of a leap to assume you are probably that way with others you care about. On the other hand, you do not trust me, which is understandable. You only just met me and, as you pointed out, I do get paid for this. But I would like you to know that I do want to help you. We all have our demons, you do, I do. And we all have to learn to face them. Dean, therapy isn't just for broken people. It is not about having some tragedy in your past or being unsatisfied with your life or any stereotypical scenario you might be imagining. I am simply someone to listen to whatever you want to tell me and to help you through whatever you ask my assistance for. I have had patients who are perfectly well adjusted and happy who only come here to tell me about their week and ask my opinion on the stress of painting their kitchen. I'm here to help in whatever way I can, and if that means you want to return and talk about your problems with me, we can do that. And if it means that after this hour is up you want to curse my name for wasting your time and never see my face again, you can do that too. I am simply a tool at your disposal, Dean. And I won't encourage you to stay if you truly don't want to be here. But if you decide I can be of use to you then say the word, and I would be more than happy to help."

The words themselves weren't altogether unexpected, but the sincerity in Cas' eyes that accompanied them hit Dean like a ton of bricks. He expected some half- hearted spiel about talking it out but Cas just looked so genuine. Like he cared. It was crazy, I mean the guy had just met Dean, he couldn't possibly care. Nobody but Sam ever cared about him. But here he was, this stranger telling Dean he wanted to help. And hell if Dean didn't want to believe him.

Dean realized he must have stayed silent a moment too long because Cas started talking again. "Dean, I realize this may be something of a leap of faith to you-"

Dean let out a humorless bark of laughter. "Yeah, those never seem to end well for me." He rubbed his neck and avoided Cas' striking gaze. "But - uh - you seem like you're being straight with me so, can't hurt, right? I mean, to try, I guess?"

Cas smiled and it was like his entire face softened. "I'm glad," and he looked like he really was.

"So is this the part where I have to talk about myself some more?"

"Well, we still have thirty minutes, maybe tell me about your family, friends, job, relationships, anything you want." And Dean told him. He told Cas about Sammy and about Jess, how proud he was of him for landing a girl like that. He told him about his mother's death and his father's drinking. He told him about Bobby and Ellen and how he wished he'd had them as adoptive parents twenty years sooner. About working in Bobby's auto shop and wanting to run it himself one day. About his baby and how he smashed her up and brought her back to life time and time again. Before he knew it he had spilled his life story to a stranger who, for a reason Dean could not fathom, had no judgment in his eyes. And too soon their hour was up.

"I'm afraid I have another appointment soon, Dean, but I'm very glad you decided to give it a chance."

Dean smiled wider than he had in a while. "Yeah, me too, Cas. Same time next week?"

"I'll be here." And Dean thought, yeah, he really will.


	2. Chapter 2

Months passed and Dean kept coming back. For a while he kept lying to himself, saying it would just be this last time and he was done. But he was hooked on the way Cas made him feel. It was crazy, but he felt lighter every time he walked out of that office, like weight has actually been lifted off of his shoulders.

He also found that he wouldn't talk to anyone else. Cas was the only person he went to, the only person he wanted to go to. He never talked to anyone before because he hadn't wanted to burden them. He didn't feel like a burden with Cas, though.

But a week came when Dean just had nothing to say. He thought he could figure out something in the waiting room but nothing had happened to him. Nothing was weighing on his mind at all that day. Except, maybe one thing...

"Will you tell me about yourself?"

Cas raised his eyebrows in surprise "you want to know about me?"

"Yeah. I mean I know it's probably not normal or whatever but, it's just, I tell you all about myself every time I see you..."

"That is typically how therapy works, yes."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Can the sass, Cas. I just mean that you know so much about me and all I know is your name and that you can't find a suit that fits to save your life." That one got a smile out of him. Score one for the day.

"I suppose I can do that," Dean knew he won when the clipboard was abandoned on the table. That day he learned all about Cas. He learned about his giant, insane family. About his friends and the bar he frequented. About his greatest hits of failed relationships. He learned that he preferred cats over dogs and that he liked his eggs sunny side up. And that his favorite color was green. When he left an hour later, Dean was lighter than he ever was after a session. Suddenly Cas was a person, with a backstory and a plot line all his own. It made Dean feel better than it should to know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, sorry, but there's more coming


	3. Chapter 3

The next weeks with Cas were, for lack of a better word, tense. Awkward, maybe. Cas was still helpful and he still listened, but it was like a switch had been flipped. He didn't smile much at anything and he cut off any small talk before it started. Okay, so Dean was a hopeless flirt, but he was like that with everyone. Maybe he had been laying it on a little thick for Cas but he had never been uncomfortable before. Or maybe it was Dean asking him to get personal. Cas had seemed fine with it at the time, but maybe Dean had crossed some shrink-patient line and gone too far. Whatever it was, Dean was anxious to get out figured out.

It was halfway through another tense session and Dean couldn't take it anymore. "Cas, did I do something? I mean, you'd tell me if I did something wrong, right?"

Cas just looked confused, "What? No, no, Dean, you did nothing wrong."

"You've just been kinda tense and weird around me for a while and... Look, I'm sorry about asking personal stuff, I swear it'll never happen again. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything."

"I promise you did nothing wrong, Dean. In all honesty it was very nice to know that someone acknowledges my life outside this office."

Dean wasn't buying it, "I guess I just don't get the cold shoulder then."

The look in Cas' eyes was so pained, like he really really didn't want the next few minutes to happen, "It has come to my attention that there is an inappropriate aspect of our relationship."

"Shit, Cas, you know I flirt with anything on legs, I never meant to make you-"

"It is not anything you did, Dean. It is on my end."

"I'm not following."

"I have developed feelings for you," All Dean could do was gape at the man across from him. "And therefore it would be unethical to continue seeing you as my patient. I can give you a referral if you'd like, I know plenty of qualified-"

"I don't want another therapist, Cas."

"I believe it would be beneficial for you to-"

"What if I want to stay with you? What if I can't even think about talking to anyone else? You think about that?"

"Dean, as I have said, it would be unethical to continue treating you."

“Look, what I know is that my life is better since you've been in it. I don't want to give that up”

“I am very sorry but my personal feelings are getting in the way of my ability to stay objective and treat you like any other patient. I can't be a doctor around you, Dean. Every time I see you all I think about is your smile when you talk about your brother and I just want to know how you take your coffee what your favorite restaurant is and if you talk through movies....” Cas rubbed at his eyes. “I'm sorry I just- I cannot subject myself to this any more than I can subject you to a shitty therapist. You deserve better." Cas stood up and Dean followed suit, "I'm sorry I couldn't help you better."

"You know when I pictured you saying that in my head it was a lot happier than this"

"What?"

"Cas, I am really into you. And I didn’t want to lose you in my life, you're the best thing that's happened to me" Dean started moving toward Cas slowly, like he was a skiddish animal he was scarred of frightening away. "I've been thinking about something for weeks. What it would be like," They were dangerously in each other's space now. Dean had finally inserted himself into Cas' air space, and he didn't want to leave. Dean Winchester was never one for subtlety, when he lit a match he expected fireworks. "If I kissed you. How you would taste," It was like Cas was in a daze, and Dean felt like he was falling under the same spell of their proximity. "If your lips feel as rough as they look," their mouths met and at last the fuse was lit. Cas opened for him like a blossom and Dean followed. It was chaste enough from a distance, Dean's hands stayed at Cas' neck and Cas' hands rested against Dean's hips. But closer inspection told a greater story. One of Dean's thumbs stroked his pulse point, and the other hand clutched at his hair in an effort to become any small bit closer. Cas' knuckles were white against Dean's hips from the combined strain of holding on as tight as he dared and willing himself not to be tempted to wander lower into dangerous territory.

After they pulled apart, Cas kept his eyes closed for a moment. Dean was smiling like an idiot but Cas’ face as he opened his eyes was enough to make his expression fall. Cas looked like a kicked puppy, not someone who just found out his feelings were requited. “Dean,” Cas shook his head slowly. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Why not?” Dean couldn’t believe it. Was he kidding? He had been into Cas for weeks, dreaming about him. And now all he got was one kiss and wham, bam, thank you Dean?

Cas got real serious real fast. “I am your doctor and you are my patient. There are laws. And besides that, it would be an abuse of my position and wholly unethical for us to have any other kind of relationship.” His expression got a little softer. “I am sorry. I had hoped that I could get over my feelings and help you as much as you deserved. I couldn’t.”

"Wait, abuse of what? What are you talking about Cas?"

"I mean, you have been vulnerable with me in a way you wouldn't have if we knew each other any other way. I have intimate knowledge about your life. I would be taking advantage of you to attempt to form a relationship outside of this office."

"So you're trying to take advantage of me?"

"No, of course not"

"Then I don't see the problem."

"I can't, Dean. We can't. That is not going to change." Cas sounded so final.

"So that's it then. You don't want this?"

"I don't get to want this." Cas said softly. "I can recommend you to someone-"

"I don't wanna see someone else-"

"I know many other doctors who are very good at what they do."

"I don't care how good they are, they're not you."

Cas looked away and down at his shoes. "I believe our hour is up now." Dean didn't answer. By the time Cas turned around he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean didn't know what to do. It had been two months since Cas dropped the bomb on him. He tried a couple of the references he had given him but he couldn't go back after just one session. He didn't trust anyone else, and he didn't want to talk to them. He wanted Cas. But he couldn't have him. So now he had no one. So he just got by on his own, like he always had.

But tonight he couldn't anymore. Sammy was in a car crash that afternoon and he was banged up pretty bad and he still hadn't woken up yet. Jess had been on a trip for work and she couldn't find a flight out until the next morning, so for the next eighteen hours at least he was on his own, and he couldn’t handle it.

"Doctor Novak," came the gruff answer after a couple rings.

Dean almost lost his nerve. "Um, h- hey, Cas."

There was a long pause, Dean almost thought he had hung up. "Dean. What..."

Suddenly everything started bubbling to the surface. Hearing Cas' voice had set him over the edge and after all night holding it in. He sat bent over sobbing into the phone in a hospital waiting room.

"Dean!" Cas sounded alarmed. "Dean, please, what's going on?"

He exhaled and tried to pull it together. "Shit, I'm sorry I just- Sammy is hurt and... I couldn't think of anyone else to call..."

"Where are you?"

"Memorial hospital."

"I can be there in twenty minutes."

Dean was stunned. "Thank you," was all he could think of to say.

"Of course."

Dean didn't notice when Cas arrived, he was still hunched in his chair with his face in his hands. He only looked up when he felt a soft hand on his back. He saw Cas, looking so concerned. They didn't say anything, but after a moment Cas took his hand, and Dean leaned his head on Cas' shoulder. They waited together.

An hour or so later and Dean still hadn't said anything. He felt better just having Cas near him. Besides, if he talked he'd probably screw something up and Cas would have to leave again. He didn't want that.

Cas cleared his throat. "How have you been? Er, before today, I mean."

"Shitty. I told you I was better with you. I meant it."

"Dean I'm sor-"

"Don't. You don't have to apologize. I get it, you were stuck between a rock and a hard place."

"I still should have handled the while situation better."

"You did the best you could."

Cas huffed out a laugh. "I suppose, given the circumstances, I should be the one reassuring you right now, not the other way around."

"Cas... why did you come tonight?"

"Nothing has changed, Dean. I still care about you." They stared at each other for a moment. Dean couldn’t think of anything to say. "Did you end up seeing anyone else?" If Dean wasn't mistaken he thought he heard a double meaning in the question.

"No, I didn't want anyone else."

A nurse came out then to say visiting hours were over, and he'd get a call if Sam's condition changed. "Let me take you home, Dean. You're in no condition to drive right now," Cas offered.

"What about my car?"

"I'll bring you back in the morning," Dean nodded. He let Cas lead him by the hand to his car.

They stayed quiet on the ride to Dean's place, and when they got there he didn't want Cas to leave him. So he asked more than he should have. He asked Cas to stay with him. "Not... like that, just- I don't want to be alone. I'll sleep on the couch and you can take my bed. Please, Cas."

Cas looked torn, but he agreed. But throughout the night Dean was tossing on the couch. Cas was here, but it wasn't good enough. He ended up sliding quietly into his own bed less than an hour later. Cas was awake and said nothing, just watched as Dean settled himself facing Cas, much closer than necessary.

Dean figured he had nothing left to lose, so he closed the gap between their lips for the second time, stroking Cas' jaw with his thumb. Cas melted into him even sweeter than the first time. In a moment the connection became heated and the rest of their bodies came into play. By the time they pulled apart they were panting and flush against each other head to toe. "I'm not going to sleep with you," Cas blurted out.

Dean laughed in surprise. "Not gonna lie, that's not on my top ten list of things I like to hear about now."

"You are emotionally compromised and..." Cas trailed off and looked with those pained eyes at Dean's face. "You should have seen someone," he said softly.

"I tried," Dean countered. "They weren't you."


	5. Chapter 5

Dean woke up wrapped around Cas. In the morning he made them eggs, sunny side up. Jess had gotten in so they met her at the hospital as soon as visiting hours started. Sam had finally woken up so Cas waited outside while Jess and Dean visited, but soon after Dean came out to let Sam and Jess have their privacy.

"He's doing great. Say he'll make a full recovery after a little physical therapy."

Cas smiled, "That's great, Dean."

"Yeah, kid's tough..." They stood in an awkward silence for too long, neither wanting to breach the subject but both knowing they needed to. "Look, Cas..."

"Actually I have something to say," Dean nodded. He didn’t really know what he was going to say anyway. "I am not often selfish. In my line of work I don't get to be. I get to pile everyone else's problems on top of my own every day. And I've never wanted to be selfish more than when I am with you. I think I am well on my way to falling in love with you, Dean. And I don't think that is going to change." God, Cas looked so vulnerable. And scared. Like he just bared everything for Dean to take or leave. As if there was any chance of Dean turning him down.

“I don’t care that you know too much about me. I’m glad you do. I want to know that much about you, too.” Dean stepped back in Cas’ space and took his hand. “Let me take you to lunch. You can… tell me if your daddy issues are as bad as mine.” Cas laughed.

“I would like that very much.”

Dean beamed. “Great.”

A few days later Cas finally met Sam and Jess. Within a few months Dean had moved into Cas’ larger apartment. They got to know each other intimately, and in time Dean was able to share the feeling of knowing everything that made a person tick.

There was always some tension hanging over them in the beginning, though. Cas feared that they wouldn’t last, that Dean would get over whatever fleeting loneliness Cas had filled and he would be left with nothing. Dean didn’t have those fears though. He knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was Cas. As time went on, they proved to be more than some infatuation. That profound bond he felt between them didn’t go away.

They had been together for a year before Dean started feeling truly nervous about their future. Cas had been distant lately, working long hours. Usually they talked a lot, about basically anything. They would lie in bed and just talk about whatever crossed their minds, it had become Dean’s new therapy, just being with Cas. They hadn’t done that in over a week. Dean would talk and Cas would give these short, noncommittal answers. And now that Cas had got him started on all the feely crap it was driving him crazy thinking about it.

So it was really out of the blue when Cas told him one night they were going out to dinner. The place wasn’t crazy fancy or anything, but Cas had made reservations and he was wearing one of his nice slacks and button-ups. And he was nervous. Half an hour into dinner and Cas had dropped his fork twice and nearly spilled his wine all over himself. Dean was a wreck. The last time he went to a nice dinner with a guy this nervous he was about thirty seconds away from getting unceremoniously dumped. There was no way he’d get over losing Cas, no way he'd ever be anything but lonely without him.

Cas cleared his throat and fiddled with his tie. “Dean I wanted to talk to you about something. Um, I don’t really-“

“Please don’t.” Dean blurted. He had to, he couldn't just sit here and wait for Cas to dump him. “Look I know what you’re going to do-“

Cas laughed nervously. “I don’t think you do..."

He thought he didn't know? Was he serious? It was written all over Cas' face. “Cas, you take me to this place and you’re all nervous all night… I know. And just… don’t. I love you, Cas, and… don’t. Please?” Christ, he had resorted to begging Cas to stay with him, how pathetic was he?

"Oh." Was that it? Seriously? Cas didn't say anything else, but he looked upset. What the hell was Dean supposed to do now? “Why not?” Came Cas' quiet reply.

Dean was incredulous. Did Cas really not know why he would possibly want to stay together? _Because I love you, because you're the best I'm ever gonna get, because I don't deserve you and I'm a selfish bastard_. “What do you mean, why not?”

“I mean if you’re just going to reject the idea out of hand I think I deserve to know why.” He looked pissed now. Well sorry l derailed your plans to break my heart, dude.

“Wha- Cas I’m in love with you and I think whatever’s wrong we can fix it and-”

“Wait, Dean. What the hell are you talking about?” Oh God, he was doing that adorable head tilt thing that meant he had no idea what was going on.

“I don’t wanna break up with you, Cas!” Did he have to spell it out for him?

He didn't answer for a minute, just sort of stared. Then that furrow left his forehead and his face broke out in a smile and what the hell was happening? “Dean, you are an idiot.” Dean just gaped. “You really think I took you out to break up with you?”

“You didn’t?” Cas shook his head, the fucker was laughing. “Then why the hell have you been so weird around me lately?”

Instead of answering, Cas started digging through his suit jacket,  pulled out a little velvety box, and placed it in front of Dean's plate. Was that... no, it couldn't be... “Dean, I am asking you to marry me.” Dean stared, his eyes wide. “I am sorry I have been distant, but I was afraid of letting something slip,” he had a small smile on his face.

Dean couldn't think anything, his mind had just gone blank with the entrance of that little black box. Five minutes ago he was convinced Cas was about to dump him and now he was getting proposed to. What the hell did he say? He had to say something, he couldn't just sit here gaping all night. “Oh,” he replied dumbly. _N_ _ailed it._

“I have never met anyone like you. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, Dean. I love you.” This wasn't happening. Things like this didn't happen to Dean, he didn't get the things he wanted. “Typically, this is the time when you’d answer my question," Cas reminded softly.

“Y- yeah! Yes, I- Yeah, Cas. Of course I wanna marry you.” Cas absolutely beamed and Dean was grinning just as wide back. In that moment, Dean knew he was never going to be lonely again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You're all fantastic and awesome :D

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a song by Ludo. I have most of this piece written out but I'm not quite done. It'll be 6 parts over the next couple days and I'll probably get impatient so maybe sooner! Yay :D Concrit is appreciated!


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